🌿 Gratitude to Mother Ayahuasca-A Soul Under Repair
A mystical gratitude letter from Tré Taylor exploring Ayahuasca, Psilocybin, Peyote (Lophophora williamsii), sacred plant medicine, and the profound healing of a soul under repair. This deeply personal reflection weaves consciousness, archetypes, inner occult wisdom, and interdimensional guidance into a story of transformation, self-trust, and remembrance. Inspired by teachings aligned with visionary thinkers like Terence McKenna, this piece invites readers into a deeper understanding of the unconscious mind, spiritual awakening, and the intelligence of sacred medicine. Discover more at tretaylor.com
Category: Gratitude Tour; healing; consciousness; ayahuasca; mystical experience; transformation
Written by Tré Taylor and Bleep the tattoo
A gratitude letter to the mystery, the medicine, and the part of me that chose to live
There are some experiences that do not fit inside ordinary language.
You can describe them.
You can circle them.
You can gesture toward them with poetry, metaphor, theology, psychology, archetype, or nervous system science.
But some things do not want to be reduced.
Some things are meant to be honored.
This is one of those stories.
I have shared pieces of my healing journey before—the medical trauma, the misdiagnoses, the neurodiversity no one understood, the years of trying to force myself through systems that were not built for a soul like mine. I tried the respectable roads. I tried the sanctioned answers. I tried the experts, the pills, the protocols, the discipline, the shame, the over-efforting, the endless attempt to “be normal.”
Some things helped.
Some things failed.
Some things nearly killed me.
And then, at the edge of myself, when I had run out of polite ways to suffer, something extraordinary happened.
A door opened.
Or maybe it had always been there, waiting for me to stop bleeding long enough to see it.
Bleep the tattoo:“Look, I support spiritual breakthroughs, interdimensional healing, and sacred plant medicine. But enlightenment should absolutely come with snacks, a blanket, and one emotionally stable adult nearby.”
💫 The day I was carried
I came into a sacred ayahuasca ceremony not as a thrill-seeker, not as someone looking for a fashionable spiritual anecdote, but as a woman who had suffered deeply and sincerely and had reached the point where I needed truth more than I needed approval.
I needed relief.
I needed meaning.
I needed help.
And I believe help came.
What happened that night is still difficult to explain without sounding dramatic, impossible, or a little bit out of my ever-loving mind. But I am past the age where I need to make my life palatable for people who have never been dragged to the bottom of their own soul and asked whether they intend to rise.
So here is the truth as I know it:
I believe a Peruvian archangel shaman swooped in at the very last second and helped save my life.
Not casually.
Not metaphorically.
I mean it.
The medicine was strong. Heroic, even. What followed did not feel recreational, symbolic, or theoretical. It felt precise. Ancient. Intelligent. Loving. It felt like emergency spiritual intervention. I had done a 10 day juice fast prior to the ceremony, so I did not barf after taking the sacred teaching plant medicine.
I was taken somewhere beyond the ordinary boundaries of mind, body, and time. Though only hours passed here, what I experienced there felt like years—two and a half, maybe more—in another dimension of consciousness, memory, healing, or soul.
Whatever language one chooses, I was not where I had been before.
✨ The Place That Felt Like Home
There are no clean words for what I saw.
They weren’t angels—not in the way we’ve been taught—but something more like living starlight… crystalline, luminous, shimmering like holographic lightning wrapped in love. They felt ancient and playful at the same time—sweet, familiar, mine.
When the veil opened, they greeted me as if I had never really left.
And in that moment, I remembered.
Not with my mind—but with my whole being.
The love that moved through me was not emotional… it was elemental.
It didn’t comfort me—it overrode me.
Like my entire soul was plugged back into its original source and flooded with something infinite.
I didn’t understand it.
I didn’t need to.
I was undone… and restored… in the same breath.
And somewhere inside that vast, sacred intelligence, I knew:
Nothing about me was ever lost—only waiting to be remembered.
💎 A soul under repair
The closest phrase I have ever found for what happened is this:
I was a soul under repair.
That is how it felt.
Not punished.
Not judged.
Not broken beyond saving.
Repaired.
Tenderly. Thoroughly. With enormous intelligence.
It was as if some vast loving field of consciousness looked at the whole exhausted mess of me and said:
“Oh, darling. You have carried enough. Lie down. Let us work.”
And I did.
There was no performance left.
No pride.
No self-improvement plan.
No pretending to be stronger than I was.
Only surrender.
I felt cared for in a way I had almost never known on earth. Not coddled—there is a difference. I mean truly cared for. Seen. Held. Understood at the root. Like my suffering was neither random nor invisible. Like every unbearable thing had been witnessed.
And somewhere in that other place, I was given a choice:
Stay.
Or go back.
I was shown, in the deepest sense, that if I was done, no one would blame me. I had suffered enough. I could rest.
But I was also shown something else:
That life, despite all its brutality and absurdity and repetition, still held beauty I had not yet tasted.
There were songs left.
There were jokes left.
There were people left to love. I was shown the future Golden Age and it’s AMAZING!
And somehow, somewhere in the middle of all that mystery, I chose to stay.
Bleep the tattoo: “If a shaman saves your life, that’s a pretty strong Yelp review.”
🕊️ The space within me
When people hear “another dimension,” they often imagine I mean somewhere far away. Another realm. Another plane. Another cosmic zip code.
But the truest thing I can say now is this:
That space is inside me.
It is not separate from me.
It is not a fantasy I visit when life gets hard.
It is not escapism.
It is a chamber of consciousness within my own being.
A higher octave of self.
A deeper room in the same house.
And I still have access to it.
Not always in the same overwhelming way. Not with the same magnitude. But the connection remains—a thread, a frequency, a remembered doorway.
That experience changed my understanding of healing forever.
Healing is not always linear.
It is not always rational.
It is not always found where the culture tells you to look.
Sometimes through therapy.
Sometimes through nature.
Sometimes through the unconscious mind finally feeling safe enough to reveal what it has been carrying for years.
And sometimes, if grace is showing off, healing comes through all of them at once.
🔮 Guidance wears many faces
One of the deepest gifts of that experience was this:
I no longer believe guidance only arrives in one approved costume.
Guidance can be emotional.
Guidance can be ancestral.
Guidance can rise from the unconscious like a buried truth finally taking a breath.
Sometimes the ocean helps.
Sometimes the song helps.
Sometimes the silence helps most of all.
And sometimes guidance arrives through the great archetypal field itself—through goddesses, gods, deities, archangels, angels, ancestors, mythic forms, and ancient symbolic intelligences that live both beyond us and within us.
I want to say thank you here—not only to Mother Ayahuasca, but to all of the unseen and holy helpers that surround human life in ways most modern language cannot properly hold.
Thank you to the deities and spiritual intelligences that guide, protect, warn, reflect, and awaken.
Thank you to the benevolent unseen.
Thank you to the forms of wisdom that meet us in symbol, dream, vision, music, medicine, and prayer.
Whatever names we use, whatever language tradition offers, I believe many of these forces are expressions of a deeper source.
A greater light.
A pure consciousness.
The highest love.
The originating intelligence.
What some call God.
What some call Source.
What some call the Monad.
The source of all that is.
And somewhere in the deepest mystery of that, I understand this much:
We are not separate from it.
We come from it.
We move within it.
And when we truly resonate with it—not just philosophically, but in our whole being—we remember.
Not as a theory.
As a state.
A lived, embodied state of connection.
That kind of remembrance is difficult to explain because language is smaller than the thing itself.
But once you have felt it deeply enough, you cannot entirely un-feel it.
Bleep the tattoo:“I’m not saying the veil is thin… but if one more ancestor shows up uninvited during dinner, they better bring guacamole.”
🌿 Gratitude to Mother Ayahuasca
So this is, in part, a thank-you note.
To Mother Ayahuasca—thank you.
Thank you for meeting me at the threshold when I was too exhausted to keep dragging myself across it alone. Thank you for the surgery of the soul. Thank you for the mercy and the clarity. Thank you for showing me that I was not crazy, not cursed, not forgotten, not spiritually abandoned.
Thank you for reminding me that beneath the trauma, beneath the programming, beneath the old grief, fear, and survival loops, there was still something whole in me.
Not perfect.
Whole.
And to the Peruvian shaman who arrived in my life like an archangel on assignment—thank you.
Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for your care.
Thank you for holding sacred space with seriousness and love.
Thank you for being one of the people who helped return me to myself.
There are moments in life when someone arrives just in time. Not early enough to spare you every wound. But in time to save the part of you that might otherwise disappear.
That is no small thing.
🔥 What changed afterward
The real proof of any sacred experience is not how dazzling it was in the moment.
It is what it changes afterward.
And afterward, I changed.
Not overnight.
Not into a saint.
Not into some floaty cosmic marshmallow who no longer has bills, grief, heartbreak, or bad decisions to sort through.
But I changed.
I became less willing to lie to myself.
Less willing to hand my authority to people who had not earned it.
Less willing to stay in relationships where love was confused with pain.
Less willing to call survival “success.”
I became more sensitive, yes—but also stronger. More aware of energy, but also more practical about boundaries. More mystical, but less gullible. More grateful, but less apologetic for the truths I know in my bones.
I stopped asking only, “Is this logical?”
And started asking, “Is this true? Is it kind? Is it embodied? Does it liberate life or diminish it?”
That changed everything.
Bleep the tattoo: “Some people find God in church. Some people find God in nature. Some people find God after the ego gets folded like a lawn chair.”
🌊 The Gratitude Tour begins here
In some ways, this whole chapter of my life is a gratitude tour.
Not because life was easy.
Not because everything worked out beautifully the first time.
Not because I was spared sorrow.
But because I was met.
Met by grace.
Met by mystery.
Met by community.
Met by the deeper self inside me that refused to die, even when I was tired enough to understand why people do.
That is what I want to honor.
Not just the miracle of vision.
The miracle of continuation.
I am still here.
Still singing.
Still laughing.
Still asking strange questions.
Still making soup, stories, art, music, and mischief.
Still trying to bring more beauty and honesty into a bruised world.
That, too, is sacred.
🕯️ Three gentle questions to consider
Have you ever had an experience—dream, moment, or feeling—you couldn’t explain… but you knew it meant something?
If there were a safe, guided way to understand yourself more deeply, would you be open to exploring it when the time felt right?
What kind of healing would you be willing to try if you truly believed it could change your life?
🌿 Are you curious?
If something in this stirred you—curiosity, recognition, even a quiet “maybe”… you’re not alone.
Sacred plant medicine is not something you stumble into casually. It isn’t a trend, and it isn’t something to rush. These are powerful, ancient medicines that deserve respect, preparation, and the right setting.
Ayahuasca, in particular, is not widely or casually available. Most ceremonies—especially those held with integrity—are offered through private invitation, trusted referral, or established retreat centers, often with experienced facilitators or traditionally trained shamans. Some people feel called to travel to places like Peru to sit with the medicine in its cultural homeland, while others are invited into smaller, private ceremonies closer to home.
Psilocybin, in certain regions, is becoming more accessible in guided or therapeutic settings, though legality and structure vary widely depending on where you are.
If you feel called to explore, take your time.
Ask questions.
Trust your intuition.
And most importantly—seek safe, reputable, and well-held spaces where your well-being is the priority.
🔎 Finding a safe and reputable path
There isn’t one central “official” directory for sacred ceremonies, but there are a few well-known platforms and organizations where people begin their research:
MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) – education, research, and harm-reduction resources
ICEERS (International Center for Ethnobotanical Education, Research, and Service) – safety guidelines, legal info, and integration support
McKenna Academy of Natural Philosophy - What Can Ancient Plant Wisdom Teach Us About Healing in the Modern World?
Erowid (Erowid is a nonprofit educational organization and website dedicated to providing accurate, objective, and nonjudgmental information about psychoactive substances, including plants, chemicals, pharmaceuticals, and cultural practices that alter consciousness.)
Retreat Guru – directory of international retreats (including ayahuasca centers)
Oklevueha Native American Church (ONAC) & Native American Church of Atsilvsgi
Psychedelic Society of San Francisco – events, education, and community connections
Psychedelic Support – therapists, guides, and integration practitioners
For local or private ceremonies (such as in the Bay Area), most people find opportunities through:
trusted word of mouth
community referrals
established facilitators with strong reputations
🌿 Are you curious?
If something in this stirred you—curiosity, recognition, even a quiet “maybe”… you’re not alone.
Sacred plant medicine is not something you stumble into casually. It isn’t a trend, and it isn’t something to rush. These are powerful, ancient medicines that deserve respect, preparation, and the right setting.
Ayahuasca, in particular, is not widely or casually available. Most ceremonies—especially those held with integrity—are offered through private invitation, trusted referral, or established retreat centers, often with experienced facilitators or traditionally trained shamans.
Some people feel called to travel to Peru to sit with the medicine in its cultural homeland. Others are invited into smaller, private ceremonies closer to home—including communities in the Bay Area and throughout California.
Psilocybin, in certain places, is becoming more accessible in guided or therapeutic settings, though legality and structure vary depending on where you are.
If you feel called to explore, take your time.
Ask questions.
Trust your intuition.
And most importantly—seek safe, reputable, and well-held spaces where your well-being is the priority.
🎥 A thoughtful conversation about sacred ceremony
If you’re curious about ayahuasca but have never heard people speak about it in a grounded, human way, this video offers a thoughtful introduction. John and Julia share their experience of sacred ceremony through the lens of yoga, healing, nature, and inner transformation. It is not flashy, sensational, or preachy — just an honest conversation about what this kind of medicine work can feel like, how intense it can be, and why it is best approached with reverence, preparation, and support.
⚖️ A note on responsibility
This path is not for everyone, and it’s not something to take lightly.
The right environment, the right guide, and your own readiness matter deeply.
You don’t need to chase the experience.
If it’s meant for you, the path has a way of revealing itself—through the right people, at the right time, in the right way.
