🧠 My Body Was a Shield: The Truth About My Weight, My Light, and My Healing

If you feel like you’re falling apart, pause. You might not be breaking—you might be shedding what no longer fits. Old armor dissolves when it’s no longer needed. Let yourself unfold. You are not late. You are not wrong. You are early.

This reflection gave rise to I AM FREE, a gospel-techno-hip-hop empowerment anthem inspired by the realization that my body was never the problem—it was protection. In this confessional essay, Tré Taylor explores healing, inner balance, and the courage to live with less fear, more joy, and a gentler way of being.
www.tretaylor.com

Written by Tré Taylor & Bleep the Tattoo
Category: Confessions - What My Body Did to Keep Me Alive

I Don’t Know Who I Was—I’m Learning What I Am

I spent most of my life trying to answer who I was.

But the real question has always been, what am I?

I look human. I move through the world like everyone else. But the energy body animating this biological interface has always felt… different. Not better. Not worse. Just unfamiliar—like I’m running a rare operating system in a loud, crowded dimension.

Some mornings I wake up and I’m overwhelmed before I even do anything. Not by my schedule. Not by the news. Just by the raw sensation of being alive here—sound, emotion, density, discordance. Sometimes Earth feels like a beautiful song played one half-step out of tune… and my nervous system hears all of it.

If you understand that sentence in your bones, you’re probably part of my people.

🛡️My Body Wasn’t the Problem—It Was the Protection

Here’s a confession: I haven’t said this clearly until now:

I believe my weight was protection.

Not because I didn’t want to be seen—deep down, I’m a lover. I’m warm. I’m affectionate. I’m devoted. But for a long time, I didn’t know how to handle the way my energy affected people. Attention felt unsafe. Attraction felt complicated. Intimacy felt like standing too close to an electrical outlet during a thunderstorm. I lost 175 lbs. and have kept it off for over 10 years now.

So my body did what bodies do when the spirit is overloaded:

It built armor.

That armor was physical… and energetic.

And as the fear melts away, the armor melts too.

This isn’t a “before and after” story. This is a “before and during” story.
This is behind the transformation.
This is the becoming.

🦋 Neurodivergent, Not Defective

I once wondered if I had autism. I took it seriously enough to get professionally evaluated last year.

I don’t lead with autism—but I do lead with what’s true for me: ADHD, dyslexia, and a constellation of “spectrum” traits that modern language still struggles to define.

So when I say “we’re early,” I mean it in a practical way, not just a poetic one:

Sometimes the world doesn’t have a diagnosis for you yet.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a beautiful life.

If no one can figure you out, it’s okay.
You’re still allowed peace.
You’re still allowed love.
You’re still allowed to stop apologizing for existing.

🕯️Love, Celibacy, and the Long Way Back to Tender

Here’s another confession:

I’ve lived like a monk for most of my adult life—including long bouts of celibacy for almost 20 years.
Because intimacy was hard. I want love with my hot sex.

Because I didn’t trust my own safety.
Because I didn’t trust other people with my softness.
Because I couldn’t tell the difference between love and danger.

So I made “body love” my full-time job.

Not performative self-love. Not social-media self-love. I mean the real kind:

• Learning how to stay present inside my skin

• Learning how to receive kindness without flinching

• Learning how to be sensual without being afraid

• Learning how to be open without being consumed

And now?

I’m calling my spirit back—my innocence, my joy, my puppy-love tenderness. The part of me this world couldn’t kill.

It can go into hibernation.
But it comes back stronger.

Bleep: “So you’re telling me you’re celibate AND psychic? That’s not a spiritual path; bleeping, that’s a damn superhero origin story.”

🎶 Living in Flow State

This is the concept I’m sharing with the world:

Living in a Flow State.

It’s what happens when you stop fighting your own rhythm and start listening to it.

Some days you’re in step.
Some days you’re out of step.

And the most mature spiritual skill I’ve learned is this:

Some days you should stay in bed.
Not because you’re lazy.
Because your system is recalibrating.

I’m learning how to sense my “weather” and live accordingly—without shame.

🔥 The Ancestral Work: Burning the Old Story (Metaphorically)

I believe ancestral pain can become inherited energy.

Not just genetics—patterns.

Cycles of fear. Cycles of control. Cycles of conditional love. Cycles of “work hard, stay small, don’t feel, don’t trust, don’t shine.”

And I’ve spent seven years doing the kind of shadow work that doesn’t look pretty on a vision board:

• purging

• grieving

• telling the truth

• leaving rooms that tried to shrink me

• returning to myself again and again

I have “burned down the village” over and over—metaphorically speaking—because the village was built on fear.

And yes… when I’ve shined in the past, I got punished for it. History has plenty of receipts on what happens to women with sight, voice, and power.

But listen:

That doesn’t mean you stop shining.
That means you stop shining alone.

🧿 The World Feels Different Because It Is

Many people are noticing it: reality feels a little… altered. Even the sun looks different to some of us. Call it a timeline shift, collective nervous system changes, spiritual awakening, or simply the pressure of modern civilization intensifying.

Whatever name you put on it, here’s my grounded advice:

If you feel like you’re losing your mind—don’t freak out.
Don’t hold on too tight.
Let yourself unfold.

You might fall apart, because some parts don’t fit anymore.
Old programming. Old fear. Old roles.

Sometimes unfolding is messy.

Sometimes it requires help—medical help, therapeutic help, community help. I needed physical operations. I needed to replace parts. I did the best I could with what I had. Often poor. Sometimes thriving. Always learning.

And now it feels like I’m finally standing at the beginning of my true life.

Bleep: “Turns out healing isn’t glowing light—it’s crying, sweating, and saying ‘no’ to assholes.”

🌞 A Gathering Place for the “Too Sensitive” and the Too Honest

If you’ve been taken advantage of one too many times…
If you can smell bullshit a mile away…
If you’re a man who’s dealt with narcissistic partners and you’re trying to learn love without losing yourself…
If you’re a woman like me who’s stayed alone because it felt safer than being misunderstood…

I see you.

You don’t need to be bullied, punished, or shamed for being different.

You need a safe place.

That’s what I’m building: community online first—and then landing somewhere, eventually. Maybe more than one. Places we can visit. Places with gardens and music and food and art and fun. Places for quiet people, tender people, creative people, and healing people.

A soft place to fall—without losing your fire.

And yes… I believe my divine masculine counterpart exists. I’m monogamous. Loyal. Built for truth. Built for frequency-matching, not performance. And I believe he’s arriving—not because I hunted him, but because I finally stopped hiding from my own light.

Three Contemplative Questions

1. What has your body been protecting you from—attention, intimacy, overwhelm, or old danger that’s no longer present?

2. Where have you been trying to “pass as normal” instead of building a life that actually fits your nervous system?

3. If you let yourself unfold fully… What might you lose that was never truly yours?

Bleep: “You don’t lose people when you heal. You lose parasites.”

If you relate to anything I’m saying, please know that you’re not alone. I’m going to find our gathering spot here. My email is below—if you want to share your story with me, I would love to hear from you.

With love, music, food, art & fun,

Tré Taylor and Bleep the Tattoo

This blog post really inspired me to remember how powerless I used to feel—especially around my body and my health. There was a time I honestly thought I might never get out of pain or reach my weight-loss goals. But I did. It took time. It was hard. And it required some very big, honest decisions. If I can do it, you can do it too.

If you’re highly sensitive, an empath, psychic, or just someone who’s still soft on the inside in a loud world—please hear this: I am free, and I belong to me. When you truly own yourself, you take better care of yourself. For me, daily wellness and music have been key. I made this song, I AM FREE, as a personal empowerment meditation—something I play while walking, swimming laps, or when I need a lift. I hope it gives you a little extra energy, a little courage, and reminds you that your journey matters too.

With love—here’s my song,

I AM FREE. 💛